you're so sensitive. i am, i am a machine.

between olivia wilde, scarlett johansson, and bettie page, i have found the definition of beautiful. olivia wilde is striking, sexy, and edgy. scarlett is soft, feminine, and curvy. bettie page is simply the classic standard beauty.

i'm not exactly sure why these three women stand out to me, but they do.

this is the part where i turn it all around. i want to be beautiful, healthy, tan, and most importantly: confident. (but mostly tan. spring break needs to hurry up!)

but in all seriousness, i'm taking steps to take care of my body.

i've been working out more often lately, and i like it. i like feeling like i have control over my body. i like feeling like i have control over my life.

“Sometimes you hit a point where you either change or self destruct.”

- Sam Stevens

i've been doing better with balance, i think. it's spring break and it couldn't have come at a better time. wednesday, i'll be heading to the beach. it's been too long since i've seen the ocean, and i have the taste of summer on my tongue. i'm really craving lemonade and fresh picked blueberries.

school has been making me antsy. i can't sit still in my seat anymore during these 7 hour days. i feel like my friends and i have been carbon copies of the kids from dazed and confused. we're all just waiting around until that final bell rings and "school's out" starts playing as we throw papers, worksheets, quizzes, and tests into the air in celebration of our newfound freedom.

spring cleaning.

i've been really sick of a lot of things lately. people, activities, places, everything. i'm just sick and i want out of it. it's been getting harder and harder to find the good in everyday life. i've been clinging to anyone who seems like a positive influence. i've been searching for places where i don't have any bad memories. i've been trying to create new experiences to replace all the ones i've lived before.

nothing's been working. i think that when you reach the point where you drive around and only can find old memories, it's time to move. harrisburg is like that to me.

downtown concord is a safe haven from that. last night was perfect. there was an art walk and the main street was filled with wonderful music and kittens and paintings of vaginas that resembled mouths and chill people who were just looking for a good time. i really enjoyed spending time with some genuine friends and meeting new, interesting people. i need more nights like that. i need more people in my life like that.

so lately i've been busy clearing out my head, my heart, my body, my spirit, my room, my life, and my relationships. i'm just focused on getting the clutter out of my life. i'm focusing all of my energy into taking out the bad and replacing it with good.

good things include mint green nail polish, making lists, the smell of sunny and happy spray and nude heels. i really adore spring. it's such a girly season. i want to just run around in dresses and find new recipes to bake(even though i can't cook) and spend the day picking flowers.

i know american eagle and aerie are both overpriced and ridiculous, but they're guilty pleasures of mine. their ads just make me want to dance around in lacy underwear and super soft shirts.

i'm starting to realize that i'm really not cool enough for a blog. it's all good though. this shit is for me. therapy. i need a place to spill my thoughts.

this is mostly going to be a photoblog if anything, but i currently don't have any pictures because i'm in the process of getting film developed. i like using film for personal memories and it's cheaper than printing out digital pictures, but it's not very practical for a blog. i'll see how long this phase lasts. spring break is the week after next, so perhaps i'll have pictures by then.